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So, I bought the Halo mashup pack for Minecraft tonight. I don't actually play Minecraft, but now I think I will start. It's pretty freaking awesome. They have different areas from all of the games, and awesome skins. I chose normal Cortana, though they also have a rampant version, which makes her red. I was going to pick chief, of course, but I like the idea of Cortana better. And the best part is the music. It's not the annoying regular Minecraft music, it's Halo music, which just makes me so happy. I am loving this.

I finally got through Halo 4 on Legendary. It was...an experience. Fun but difficult. So difficult. But, hey, at least I got it done. And with Rob helping, it wasn't all that bad. Now all I need to do is finish all the Spartan Ops missions on Legendary and I'll be set. Then I can start working on the other games. ODST, 3, Reach, and CE:A.

He sent me three games, nothing new (though it is all new to me), GTA 4, Assassin's Creed 2, and Prince of Persia. So, I'm going to have a blast on those. It'll be fun to play a GTA game again, I haven't touched one since Vice City on the PS2. He also sent me a card and a beautiful poem. It really made me smile. It's not the first poem he's sent me, he's written a few for me, but all of it together just... It was really awesome to get something like that from him, when he didn't have to send me anything at all.

I went out and got myself a new copy of Halo 4. Since GameStop didn't have any copies of it, new or used, I hit Target instead and got the Game of the Year Edition. Forty bucks, but totally worth it if I can play Halo 4 again. It came with a whole mess of superfluous crap I don't need, but eh, it was all they had. And, having all the armor and map packs might prove useful. Maybe.

Well, looks like I ruined my first game with my 360. My copy of Halo 4 needs to be replaced, as it is scratched to shit now. I wanted to cry when it wouldn't load anything for me. I can't do the campaign or well, anything else aside from look at the menus now. But, I'll be getting myself a new copy tomorrow. I'd go out right this minute, but GameStop closes at nine, and it's already a quarter to ten. So, yeah. Well, now I know why it was giving me such a hard time when I wanted to do the Reclaimer mission on co-Op with Rob.

I'm planning a trip to Philadelphia! Of course, not immediately, it all depends on how fast I can get things done after these next six weeks. But, I am aiming for a late October, early November visit. I am so looking forward to this. I really, really am.



Things have changed a bit in the plans, this was an idea I have had since March, and well...some things didn't pan out the way I would have hoped. But, such is life. I still have an amazingly awesome reason to get out there. I am hoping I can pull off a week or so, maybe five days. But, it all relies on the time I will have available after everything. Either way, this is going to happen. I am going to make certain of that.

You're just a cheap imitation. With an emphasis on the cheap part.

Well, that more than made up for the time lost before. Man, I could have all the time in the world and it would never, ever, ever be enough for me.

I know I shouldn't complain, certain things must take precedent over others. But, damn, that sucked...



Well, there's always tomorrow. I guess I'll go play Halo or something to kill the time before I head off to bed.

Let me be that light that never does go out...

So, E3 is this week in LA, and all I really paid any attention to is Microsoft, because Halo, of course. I guess I will have to get me an Xbox One by November. The Master Chief Collection comes out, with Halo: CEA, Halo 2: Anniversary, 3 and 4, plus a live action series called Nightfall. The beta for Halo 5: Guardians starts in December, so I want in on that. Yeah... so much Halo at the end of this year. I'm looking forward to it.

It's been a good weekend. I id some shopping yesterday with my mom, got a few new tops. Stuff that isn't, you know, my typical black t-shirt with bullshit scrawled on the chest. They are actually really cute, loose, and a little oversized, as I like the off the shoulder look.



Today I cleaned out my closet and dresser. So many clothes were thrown away or donated to the local thrift shop. It's wonderful, being able to wear things I hadn't worn in years and years. Most of the stuff I saved is like new, since I didn't wear any of it all that often. It's a sweet validation, putting things on that fit me a few months ago and having them be so big.



My dad then took the family out to dinner. A nice fish place near where we live. I don't eat fish, so I had a grilled chicken sandwich, which was pretty delicious, and some fries. I wound up taking half the thing home, as I can't eat all that much anymore. I really love those nights out, where it's my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and me, just enjoying each others company, making jokes and just having fun. We don't have those moments all that much anymore, and soon I won't have them at all for a long while. So, I enjoy the time I get with my family while I can. My brother then treated us to some ice cream from Coldstone. Mine is stashed away in the freezer, I'll get around to it this week, stretch it out for a few days. I haven't had ice cream in months, so it should be a nice treat.



So yeah, it was a good weekend. The times I get like that just make me smile and appreciate what I have. I don't have much, I fully admit that, but I am rich in love and support from my family. They are my everything, without them I would be so utterly lost.

I feel like I made a huge mistake, things said and done out of anger and sadness and pain. I don't ask for forgiveness, it's unobtainable, I know that. I just want to let it be put out there that I know when I make mistakes. And while I cannot stop myself from saying hurtful things or doing something that causes someone pain, I do know how to admit that I made those mistakes. I will never be able to make it up to those I hurt, I can just let it be known that I am so very sorry for doing those things. I live with the consequences of my actions because I have no other choice. In the end those lessons start to seep through and I start to learn from them.

I hate that I have chased so many wonderful people off and out of my life. I know how to change my circumstances and my appearance, but I don't know how to change the real me. How to keep from doing the same stupid things over and over again. I'll never learn, I'll just keep repeating the same mistakes.



I miss them. I miss them all so much. Those who tried so hard, yet were met with cruelty, distance, and silence.

Lately every time I hear Green and Blue from Halo 4 I just want to break down and cry.

I just want to be able to make you smile.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I just want to see you happy.

Sometimes things just don't go the way you want them to go. No matter how hard you wish, or hope, or pray, some things just aren't meant to be. This was one of them.



So this is me, saying goodbye to what was. It hurts, but I just can't do it anymore. And if that makes me selfish, fine, I'm selfish. But my emotional well being will trump every other person on this spinning hunk of rock who isn't part of my family. Every single time. I have to take care of myself first and foremost, because I will be damned if I ever let myself fall back to the depths I used to be buried in. I have come too far and worked too hard to let someone drag me down once again. And if that's what's deemed selfish, so be it.